I hope this entry finds everyone enjoying the hustle & bustle of the Holiday Season and remembering what is most important through it all… time spent with loved ones, not the purchase of the latest and greatest, hard to find Holiday gift of 2011.  I’m listening to Christmas music as I write, all my babies tucked in tightly for the night.  Candles burning.  Christmas trees lit.  Still lots to do for Emerson, but at the moment peace & quiet... ahhhh, it's a beautiful thing!

Life here has been crazy, as always, but the good news is that Emerson remains out-patient and in good spirits.  I’m on heightened alert for an on-coming infection as the strong odor of her pseudomonas is back in full force, but am certainly hopeful we can keep it at bay for a while longer.  My greatest goal now is just to get through the coming month – a Christmas at home is what I wish for most this year.  It hasn’t happened since Emerson was born, 5 years ago.

The big health news around here lately has actually revolved around me.  Emerson & I traded places as I found myself in-patient at a hospital in Colorado Springs for 5 days last week.  I fainted a few days prior (vasovagal response to severe abdominal cramping), hit my head on the dresser in our bedroom & briefly lost consciousness.  Long story short, I was admitted to the hospital several days later with “Post-Concussion Syndrome”.   The Neurologist said I’d suffered a grade-3 concussion and warned the symptoms may last for several months, even up to a year!  Yikes!!  I was very weak with nausea, dizziness, & migraine headaches for over a week but all that has mostly improved.  My lingering complaints now are blurry, double vision and severe insomnia.  I’ve been up cleaning the house at 3:00 in the morning for 3 days in a row (even found myself vacuuming Eme’s room at 2AM yesterday while she lay fast asleep)!  I’ve tried Advil PM, Nyquil, wine (funny but true) & nothing is working.  I was discharged with a script for a sleep aid but have been very hesitant to fill it for fear of not hearing Emerson or her beeping pumps in the middle of the night.  I plan to fill it tomorrow though… I simply can’t survive like this for much longer!!  I was also told to expect mood swings & irritability – Jim would likely tell you I suffer from those too.

Luckily I was discharged before Thanksgiving & we were able to enjoy a family turkey day all together at home.  Luckily, also, Jim ordered most of the meal from Whole Foods so I was left with little work in the kitchen this year.  Emerson didn’t quite understand the concept of Thanksgiving & was much more interested in knowing when Santa (“He He”) is coming.  She actually thought Santa was coming that day & was quite upset to find his arrival is still a full month away.  She is completely obsessed with Christmas this year… it’s pretty cute!  We’re taking her to have breakfast with Santa in a few weeks & she talks about it every day.  She’s very concerned about what she’ll wear & wants desperately to go shopping for a new pair of fancy shoes for the occasion.

Other than that planned outing, though, we’ve been very careful to keep Eme at home & away from large crowds.  We have one home nurse who works 3-4 8 hour shifts a week.  So far it’s going well, although I can’t say it’s given me a lot of free time just yet.  It was immensely helpful, though, while I was in the hospital… I don’t know what Jim would have done without the help.  I, in hindsight, am very grateful to know Emerson was in good hands but at the time was honestly so out of it I didn’t think much about her or her cares (imagine that!).

So, in a nutshell that’s our life… one little day at a time.  Every morning I tip-toe in to check on my little girl & every morning when I see her chest rise I’m thankful for another day.  It’s as simple as that… one more day.  I’m reminded often of our dear friends who no longer have that hope & my heart, especially at this time of the year, sinks.  I know no other way to honor their losses than to appreciate the time we have.  I’m trying hard to do that.  It’s challenging some days, no doubt about it – Eme’s cares are intense… juggling it with everything else I want/need to accomplish here is overwhelming… but still I try to consciously stop, every day, & be aware of the great gift she is.  I’m working now with Donor Alliance in Denver & am training to be on their speaking circuit.  I want to share her with the world & hope to further the cause of organ donation in doing so.  She is a miracle indeed & a shining example of the power of saying “yes”!  For as long as her sweet little smile lights up this world I want to use it to promote awareness and to spread reminders about what is most important in life.  It’s the best & only way I know to make sense of this crazy journey we’ve been on.

Thank you so much for all your continued & ongoing thought, support, and concern.  When I count my blessings each day you are always remembered... each & every one of you.  Thank You.